Weakness Does Not Make You Frail

"Growth begins when we begin to accept our own weakness."

~ Jean Vanier

Weakness...why does it sound like such an ugly word?

Admitting to those around us that we are feeling weak in the moment make us feel vulnerable but the truth is, you are not along in this feeling.  A majority of us will have moments in our life where we just feel weak and less than who we are.

I am often weak; I give into temptations, I let the frustration in the moment consume me and I often don't handle what's placed in front of me the right way. But the truth is, that weakness in the moment should never make me feel like less of a parent.  I am human and I am completely imperfect....I am okay with that.  I will try to put my best self forward but that does not mean I will not make mistakes.

It is okay to feel weak.  I know that sounds wrong but it truly is okay.  Through our weakness, lies our strength.  We are stronger than we see and the strength hides behind the self doubt and the weakness waiting for you to allow it to break free.

Trust in yourself and use that weakness within you to grow and change.  Build yourself up through your weakness and remember that you are strong and are more than you can see.

Your children won't remember the moments when you are feeling weak but they will remember your strength and love.

Letting Go

"There are two lasting bequests we can give our children.  One is roots.  The other is wings." 

~ Hodding Carter, Jr.

Pride and joy, those were the very first feelings that consumed me as my children reached their first milestones as well as all the very firsts after.  These feelings overwhelm us while in the back of our mind in a split moment, we are also consumed with a sadness that they are no longer a baby and are growing up.

As parents, we raise our children so that they can become independent adults and can care for themselves in all aspects of their life.  But even though, this is the goal for all of us, it is hard to let go sometimes.  It is difficult for us to watch them as they slowly pull away from us and learn to grow on their own.

It is a blessing in knowing that we raised them so that they can care for themselves but that doesn't take away the difficulty in knowing that for the most part, they don't need your help as often as they did when they were young.  I will always miss the baby who needed me to just hold them, love them, and care for them but the truth is that no matter how painful it may be to let them grow and become independent, I will never lose the pride in all that they have accomplished.

For the time being, while they are children, I will relish in still being able to have them come to me for help for I know that one day they will become adults and will no longer need me as often.  

I hope that they will know that no matter what, I will always be here to help them.  They will always be my children, no matter how old they are. I am always proud, for you have done so much to become who you are and for that, I am blessed.

Trusting Your Choices

From the very first moment since I held my beautiful child in my arms, I began to question myself on whether I would be a great parent and raise this amazing blessing.  And then of course the hospital sent me home and I was overwhelmed with excitement but also fear of whether I can actually do this.  What do I know about parenting...I've never done this before. 

Reading about how to raise a child and care for our babies is not the same thing as actually raising a child. Of course while you are doubting yourself, you also have other parents critiquing your knowledge and sharing what they did when they had a baby or when their child was young.  

Listen to the advice from others, read everything that makes you comfortable but the most important thing is to trust yourself and believe in yourself that you are doing what is right for your child. 

When you make a mistake, just remember to learn and grow from that mistake.  It does not make you a bad parent because it is something in which we all will do as parents.  There is no right choice for all children, they are all unique and one right thing may not be right for another.  

Love them with your whole heart and just try to be the best you can be.  That is all that is asked of you.

We Are More Than Just Parents

"If you do not love yourself, well, you cannot do anything well, that's my philosophy."

~ Nawal El Saadawai

Frequently lately, I have come to realize, that I have come lost in the life of motherhood.  I am proud and overjoyed in all that my children are but at some point I began to lose myself.  To be honest, I never realized that it was happening till all of my life became about was caring for my house and raising respectful, kind children.

Being a parent is an amazing piece of me but that should not negate all aspects of me.  I am more than just a mother, I have dreams and aspirations for myself as well as for my family.  It is entirely possible to find yourself again.  It is important for our children to see more pieces of who we are and that we are also striving to maintain our health and personal well being as well as theirs.  

There are general ways in which we can go and find a piece of ourselves again  

• Find new ways to connect with old friends
• Discover a new or old hobby
• Ask for help from friends or family
• Take care of yourself physically

Our children are very perceptive and see more than we realize and who we are plays a huge role within them.  Don't forget who you are and take time each day to care for yourself as well as theirs.

Remember that it is not selfish to take time for yourself, it is important for our emotional, physical and mental well being.   

Life will never be who you were before kids but you can and should find yourself again and love who that person is today.

Love & Respect

Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.

Ephesians 4:2

Why do we find this very act to be difficult? We often expect respect and kindness from one another but in truth, often do not display this behavior onto others.

How often do we open our social media and see someone boasting about a good deed they did, modified pictures to show how beautiful we are or bashing one another because they have a different opinion from yourself? Does being behind a screen make it okay to lose your compassion and respect for one another? Why do we find being behind a screen make it where we find ourselves mistreating one another and boasting about all you have done and are.

Social media, can bond many of us with common causes and connecting us with many others around the world.  We can grow so much as a society but we are frequently using this to separate ourselves from one another who has a differing opinion from our own.  When we see someone with a differing opinion, we ready ourselves in attack mode and label this person who we often don't even know.

Our online persona is not who we truly are but yet we choose to let it affect us internally and amongst others emotionally.

Although it is difficult for many of us to hear others voices and lend a ear to understand what we may not agree with but we should be listening to each others voices because once we stop viewing others perspectives, this is the moment we are stunting ourselves in mental growth. 

It sounds so simple but respect one another as you wish to be respected. Stop living and spreading hate. 

Extracurriculars...Love Them or Hate Them

We either love them or hate them but they play a huge piece in our children's lives outside of school, extracurriculars. Personally, I am always in awe as my children grow into who they are and finding delight in their new interests.  Some of these interests will come and go while others will continue to grow with them. 

Extracurriculars are actually quite an important piece in helping children develop social skills and respect for authority figures.  It is important to remember though that too many activities can cause stress amongst them as well as on us when we are trying to travel from activity to the next.  So try to let them find new interests but not putting too much on their plate at a young age.

Personally, I  am actually quite fond of after school activities and watching them grow and develop their skills.  They break the routine in life but I enjoy watching them in their activities and it has helped me discover a bond with them in being able to help them harness and grow these skills. 

Although, it is not necessary, I have chosen to learn from their teachers so I am able to help them at home.  It is a great feeling in being able to help them grow in areas in which they are having a little difficulty.

For the time being while they are young, I will be here to help them because I know there will be a time where they will no longer need my help for most things.

Don't Wait, Self Check Your Breast

In the United States, 1 in 8 women will develop invasive breast cancer over the course of their lifespan.  In 2018 alone, there are over 2 million new cases of breast cancer diagnosed worldwide.

Breast cancer is common amongst females 40 and over but although rare for females younger than 40, it is still not out of the realm of possibility to be diagnosed with breast cancer.  No matter your age, it is important to do self checks once and month and to visit your doctor if you notice any changes.

Below are steps from the National Breast Cancer Foundation and how to properly check yourself.  Do not skip doing these checks because it may save your life if you are able to detect this early.


HOW SHOULD A SELF BREAST EXAM BE PERFORMED

1) In the Shower 

Using the pads of your fingers, move around your entire breast in a circular pattern moving from the outside to the center, checking the entire breast and armpit area. Check both breasts each month feeling for any lump, thickening, or hardened knot. Notice any changes and get lumps evaluated by your healthcare provider.

2) In Front of a Mirror 

Visually inspect your breasts with your arms at your sides. Next, raise your arms high overhead.

Look for any changes in the contour, any swelling, or dimpling of the skin, or changes in the nipples. Next, rest your palms on your hips and press firmly to flex your chest muscles. Left and right breasts will not exactly match—few women's breasts do, so look for any dimpling, puckering, or changes, particularly on one side.

3) Lying Down

When lying down, the breast tissue spreads out evenly along the chest wall. Place a pillow under your right shoulder and your right arm behind your head. Using your left hand, move the pads of your fingers around your right breast gently in small circular motions covering the entire breast area and armpit.

Use light, medium, and firm pressure. Squeeze the nipple; check for discharge and lumps. Repeat these steps for your left breast.

Truth Be Told

The truth is, parenting is hard.  Some days we feel that we have this whole parenting thing down and then someone throws a fit, throws a tantrum or quite frankly, just doesn't listen.

Some days I wish it was like how they display it on television where you have this perfectly clean house and your children are willing to help you at any beck and call but honestly, it's not at all like that.  Some days I will have to say my childs name 10 times with my voice raising each time till they will even register that they need to stop and listen.

But, even though some days I feel a little frazzled or stressed, I have that complete breakthrough of happiness when they hug me, wants me to join in with their game or with my older, feels proud to introduce me to his friends (yes, I'm aware as he gets older that will end as well).  I will always cherish these moments with them because the wonderful moments with them outweighs the stress. As I look back on the past, I never even think about those moments because I remember the moments where they wanted me to sing, play, cuddle and just be with them.

For that, I will never forget how blessed I am (even when they aren't listening at the store).

We Can Do This....Together

Becoming a parent is one of the most joyous, stressful and sometimes scary point in our lives.  You are left with this beautiful blessing placed within your arms but there is also a piece within you that questions whether or not you will be a good parent.

As a parent, you know and u derstand this fear. This truth makes me often confused as to why we see other parents tearing one another down. Our method of parenting is not always the best way for everyone and that is something we all need to accept and understand.

As a first time mother, I felt this when my own baby was one month old from within my own family.  My son had just been fed a half hour prior and he was sleepy but just couldn't fall asleep since we were not at home at the time. So he did what all babies do, cry. My aunt had to give me her advice that I should feed him.  I made the mistake of saying he usually eats every three hours. She is insistent that anytime she fed her baby that she would always be happy and anytime she cried, that's all she had to do. She pushed over and over till I gave him. I didn't stick to my gut because as I knew, he wasn't hungry but he was in fact sleepy and he shortly after finally fell asleep.

It's okay to give advice but only when it is asked for but please don't push what worked for you because your method is not right for every body.

Sadly, many parents are questioned and insulted because their method is different from yours from far too many other people whether it be from friends, family or strangers.  We need to stop this and instead support one another.  We are a tribe and need to be there for one another because all of us understand how this feels as I'm sure each one of us have had somebody insert their thoughts in at one point.

Stay strong and trust yourself as a parent.

5 Tips To Help Restore Your Mental Health

As a parent, we often overlook our own personal necessities for the care of our children's needs.  It is important to care for our children's but we also can't neglect our own health in the process.  This is something many of us do but don't realize till too late.

Below are five tips in helping restore your personal health:

Self Care
While it is easy to wake up and go in with your day in pajamas or comfy clothes, it is important to take some personal time each morning to take care of your hygiene and get dressed for the day. By doing this, it has been shown to improve your mood and give yourself some self confidence.

Exercise
Take some time each day and put in a little exercise whether it is at the gym, outside or even in your house. Exercise has many health benefits such as relieving stress, boost overall mood and helps with your sleep.

Healthier Eating Habits
As a stay at home mom, I find it easy to go to the kitchen and grab some kind of junk food. By doing this, I find my body feeling sluggish and lazy. By making better choices in what I eat throughout the day, it helps improve my mood, health,  etc.

Declutter
Kids are messy, I have three young kids so I completely understand. Having a messy house, if you are like, makes you feel stressed, frustrated and I mentally begin to feel cluttered. Take 20 minutes a day and it will become easier to keep up your house.

Find Time For Yourself
Yes, this is difficult sometimes to do especially with a toddler who follows you everywhere even to the bathroom. But it is important to have time for yourself so you do not become lost in who you are.

Try not to lose who you are because our children do see more than we know and our choices will be ones they may make in the future.

School Break

Every year as school breaks approach, I am always excited and beyond optimistic that we're going to stay up on doing some type of school work activity, read and just have an enjoyable time together.

I seem to always forget that when you put three kids together non stop without a true break from one another that things tend not to go exactly as you are hoping.

Kids, like us need structure and a break from one another.  And well as the insanity grew in this house from the messiness and disagreeing with one another, so did the optimism that this break was going to go as smoothly as I was planning.  But the truth is, nothing is ever just as you thought it would be whether it be better, worse or just overall different.

Now the original plan for this break may have been thrown out the window along with a bit of my sanity but that doesn't mean it won't be a great break with one another. And to that, is my new goal.

We've been able to spend time cuddling while watching movies, building legos, running around the house and doing all the fun stuff kids love.

Take in the craziness and enjoy the insanity while they still want you to join in with them because it won't last as long as we wish.